Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Way the News Was Reported When George Bush was President

Twelve days after the explosion on board the BP oil rig that has led to a massive oil slick, President Obama finally managed to find the time for a brief visit to the region suffering through this disaster. The unprecedented environmental tragedy, which will also inflict an enormous economic impact on the state of Louisiana, is spreading rapidly along the entire gulf coast. After being briefed by officials who had been previously working to mitigate the effects of the spill, Mr. Obama returned to Washington aboard Air Force One to attend the White House Correspondents dinner.

Some experts have questioned why plans in place since 1994 for burning off the oil have not yet been implemented. Apparently, there have been repeated delays in both obtaining and deploying the necessary equipment identified in the 16-year old plan. The plan called for the deployment of fire oil booms such as those manufactured by Elastec/American Marine to burn off a large majority of the oil before it threatened fragile wetlands. Jeff Bohleber, CFO of Elastec/American Marine, stated that "If they had six or seven of these systems in place when this happened and got out there and started burning, it would have significantly lessened the amount of oil that got loose."

US Coast Guard Rear Admiral Mary Landry had previously stated shortly after the accident that they had all the necessary equipment to contain the spill. They did not, however, have any of the fire oil booms and Elastec/American Marine has since shipped the only one that they had in stock. As of yet, there has been no explanation for this apparent contradiction.
After making vague promises and not addressing the issue of the slow and inadequate response, President Obama left quickly to ensure he was able to be present for the annual White House Correspondents dinner. Many reporters thought that his remarks were more humorous than those of the host, Jay Leno. Mr. Obama has also recently traveled to Michigan to give the commencement address for the University of Michigan.

Officials hope that the oil burn can take place shortly, but equipment shortages have plagued the delayed relief effort from the start. Many wonder if it may be too late and speculate that a full recovery may take decades.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Sharmuta and Conservative Moonbat: Intellectual Property Thieves. Charles Johnson: Accomplice

The folks at Amazon may want to investigate this. Not only does Charles get ad revenue from Amazon, he also assists his "lizards" in stealing from Amazon. The following sequence of posts was found at Littlegreenfootballs.com (major hat tip to Deep_Throat for pointing this out):

Conservative Moonbat Sun, Oct 18, 2009 12:59:53am replyquote

re: #88 Sharmuta
Did you find what you needed regarding Malignant Narcissism texts? I have a number of pirated ebooks on personality disorders if we can figure out a way I can give you the url to my local server without exposing it publicly.

Conservative Moonbat Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:07:00am replyquote
re: #101 Sharmuta
That's very thoughtful of you, but I likewise don't like exposing my email -- what with my fabulous fan club at the stalker sites, and all. I will pay the library a visit next week. I'm sure they'll be able to supply me with ample reading materials. Do you have any titles in particular you would recommend, or authors?
shit.. now I have to look. I was just going to let you have a go at the archive and browse. Hang on a bit..

Conservative Moonbat[deleted] Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:15:01am

Sharmuta Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:16:12am replyquote
re: #106 Conservative Moonbat
Thanks- I'm sending an email now.

Conservative Moonbat Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:18:00am replyquote
charles et al, if you could delete the prior post with my email in it I'd appreciate it. If not, I can deal with what comes.

Conservative Moonbat Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:33:08am replyquote
re: #107 Sharmuta
Thanks- I'm sending an email now.
I sent you the link to the parent directory and to one specific title that might be of help. I can help point out others tomorrow when I'm sober and stuff.. Dig around as you want but keep in mind this is running off my DSL and bandwidth is limited.

Sharmuta Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:40:47am replyquote

re: #113 Conservative Moonbat
Thank you so much for your help.

So, what was in post #106. Well, I have this on good authority:

Conservative Moonbat Sun, Oct 18, 2009 1:15:01am replyquote
I've got the last edition of this available for downlad. It's $158 here [Link: www.amazon.com...] fuck it. email me at (redacted)""

Now if someone was using my blog to steal intellectual property, I would probably ban them. Charles has banned people for a lot less. I certainly would not assist them by deleting evidence.

Charles, you've got some 'splaining to do.

BTW, most of the posts that I skipped over dealt with the suicide bombing in Iran that happened last night. Apparently, they approve of murdering 20 people.

Monday, October 12, 2009

More Footballs, More Flounces

So I captured some more flounces that I thought you might find interesting. The liztards will probably ding me for formatting issues when it comes to these comments, but I could not get as good of a screen capture as I would have liked. My apologies to Sharmuta, Irish Rose, and any other petty fools who think that is important.

This is where the fun starts. MassGolfGuy comes in when the residents of LGF start defending Van Jones.

MassGolfGuy Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:00:57pm replyquote

Jones is getting defended, I had to come in and see for myself...???

Now, I'm no fan of Van Jones, but I would (at least) be interested to hear what the liberals at LGF have to say to defend him. But as soon as I read that comment, my flounce radar went on high alert. Here's one thing they had to say about him (before/after MassGolfGuy's comment):

albusteve Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:28pm replyquote
#336 iceweasel
Lies were spread about Van Jones being a truther, and he resigned because he didn't need the bullshit and didn't want to get in Obama's way.

And no amount of spin is going to change that.

Jones is a quitter and I'll never trust him again!

This post makes we wonder why iceweasel or albusteve would trust Van Jones in the first place, but I digress. The next quote comes from Killgore Trout, who is not as clueless as one may have suspected.

Killgore Trout Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:44pm replyquote

Here come the flouncers!

For once, he is right. Now, for a longer sequence of comments:

MassGolfGuy Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:45pm replyquote

who's the super hero in your comic...let me guess

Gus 802 Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:54pm replyquote

Flounce level is on red.

[Gus 802 is also not clueless. ]

Slumbering Behemoth Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:57pm replyquote

I smell sweaty socks.

[I smell liberals.]

Walter L. Newton Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:01:58pm replyquote
#338 MassGolfGuy
Jones is getting defended, I had to come in and see for myself...???

Ok, you came, you saw, now git...

[Oh Walter, your hospitality knows no bounds.]
Charles Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:02:06pm replyquote
#328 Spare O'Lake
Van Jones was thrown under the bus by his boss the President.If he was innocent of the right wing smears then his boss should have come out publicly to defend him, but of course he did not.And no amount of spin is going to change that fact.

No, that's simply not true. Van Jones resigned, and issued a statement saying that he was removing himself from the job.
You can believe Obama threw him under the bus if you like, but this differs considerably from other cases where the Obama administration publicly said they asked people to leave.

[So, Charles has now taken up residency in the West Wing. He knows all the details. He doesn't state it as his opinion, he says "that's simply not true". And how, pray tell, does Charles know these details?]

Now, SixDegrees comes into the picture and makes a good point. How naive of him/her.

SixDegrees Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:02:26pm replyquote
#320 iceweasel
Yeah, the wingnut wardance over Jennings the last few days-- Hannity was pushing it. Others too. Claiming that he concealed or hid a male underage student's sexual relationship with an adult man. There's been a number of smears and lies circulating about Jennings. Zombie has obviously sussed out that this is the new area ripe for a smearjob and is whoring for wingnut traffic.

Actually, that Jennings was aware of an underage student's affair with an adult isn't so much a claim as a fact; Jennings himself has openly admitted it on several occasions. And it's disturbing in the extreme. Teachers are supposed to report such knowledge, and Jennings kept it to himself.
The slime being peddled about dubious tapes distracts from this issue, which actually has substance.

And then we have the first flounce. Sorry, I didn't get the actual post. These things happen fast.

MassGolfGuy[deleted] Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:02:47pm

Sharmuta then chimes in with a thoughtful comment.

Sharmuta Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:02:54pm replyquote
#332 MassGolfGuy
heard him on tape that Schools are indoctrinating children to be heterosexual

I saw him on tape playing poker with Elvis and an alien.

And now for the actual banning.

Charles Tue, Oct 6, 2009 4:03:15pm replyquote
#349 MassGolfGuy
Get lost.

I guess being opposed to child molesters is now reason for banning at LGF. Unless the child molester is a Catholic Priest. Oh well.

So MassGolfGuy is gone. Who's next? Well, this was kind of unexpected:

steveoh Tue, Oct 6, 2009 5:21:55pm replyquote

Off subject and I haven't posted in some time. But I find it ironic at the time of McCain's decision to choose Palin as his running mate which I vehemently opposed I took a beat down on this site. Now I can only laugh at the 20-20 vision both charles and the rest of the lizards who attacked my valid concerns are showing. Amazing. The saddest part is that in your attempts to keep your eye on the real problems of islamo-facism, and the failures of the Obama administration seem to have been over taken by an obsession with the same extreme right that I argued Palin was a part of. The legitimacy of Charles work has been tainted in my view. That said, I still find this one of the few places on the web or elsewhere that mirror my convictions as a member of the human race. I welcome all comments, yet I was labeled a "fool" for my conviction prior to the election by fellow lizards. I suppose I will be banned soon for my comments. Or perhaps hindsight will prove 20-20 and I'll find an apology or two waiting. I don't have my hopes up. Charles where is the outrage with the Obama administration and their appeasement of Iran and the continuing sell out of Israel? Lost your focus perhaps? Just a little?
Charles Tue, Oct 6, 2009 5:24:35pm replyquote
#530 steveoh
Wow, that's two creeps posting 30 seconds apart. Amazing.

Well, he predicted he would be banned and his prediction came true. No surprise there.

Next, we have the most clueless post I have ever seen. And it didn't come from Sharmuta.

Guanxi88 Tue, Oct 6, 2009 5:34:34pm replyquote

Seriously, though. When I used to drink in bars, there were some places that changed (filled up with hipsters and frat boys) and I'd just go elsewhere. Never felt the need to hassle the management or pick fights with the other patrons.
LGF, though, hasn't changed; I don't see any evidence that it's any different than previously, and don't see what folk are getting all worked up about.
This whole wig-out by the right reminds me of the old purges of Stalin et al, but without the organizational skills he brought to the table. It's freelance and amateurish.

LGF hasn't changed? You don't see any evidence? You are right about the purges, but not the way you think. Guanxi88, your observational skills are so sadly lacking you probably wouldn't notice if you stopped breathing.

Now, for a comment on earth2moonbat's flounce. This is priceless:

talon_262 Tue, Oct 6, 2009 5:54:39pm replyquote
#541 Charles
You must have missed it -- Earth2moonbat staged a really nasty multi-comment flounce.
Damnit, I've said it before and I'll say it again...WTF is wrong with seemingly nice and rational people that they go and backstab their "friends", spit vitriol, and basically dare Charles to get them the stick?
The short answer, I suppose, is that the flouncers and banees never really were our "friends". They only feigned to tolerate being among us so long as they thought we thought as they do and, when it became clear that most of us wouldn't join them on the "right-wing" krazee train after Obama took office, they pitched fits like petulant, spoiled little brats and screamed how much they hated Daddy Charles.
Sure, not all of the long-timers who have left, forcibly or otherwise, have made screeching farewell screeds, but what is clear is that it's not so much that Charles and LGF have changed, but rather that (most of) the departed Lizards either dropped the mask of their true nature or decided to discard logic, reason, and common sense for bigotry, willful ignorance, and hate.

OK, that explains why we are approaching the grim milestone of 2000 banned. Not all of the long-timers have left? Who's left? Besides Sharmuta. Every week I hear about someone else being banned, usually due to poor punctuation or bad hygiene or some other lame excuse.

And now for one last comment from LGF's resident rocket scientists:

talon_262 Tue, Oct 6, 2009 5:59:47pm replyquote

#571 Cato the Elder
Ex-LGFers over there kissing Zombie's ass on the Jennings blackmail thread right now, the way they used to do here:

Throbert McGee
Ed Mahmoud
Ringo the Gringo

F**k 'em...they took leave of their sanity and integrity and threw in with the stalkers and haters.

/it's a damn shame...

Damn! They didn't include me. I feel jilted.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Insidious Bad Apple Pie

Sliced Insidious Bad Apples, shriveled raisins and walnuts are sugared, dusted with cinnamon and nutmeg, and piled into a pastry shell. A bunch of crumbs are sprinkled over the top (because they usually are over the top). The whole pie is then loosely covered with a tinfoil hat to keep out microwave signals, and baked until golden and brown or until I ban and block you from this recipe.

1 (9 inch) pie shell
6 cups thinly sliced insidious bad apples
1 tablespoon lemon juice (optional) (pour any extra lemon juice on open wounds)
3/4 cup white sugar (no other ethnicities allowed)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup shriveled up evil raisins (optional)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts because they are nuts (optional)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar (make sure it goes in the back of the bus)
3 tablespoons butter

Directions (if you can read):

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Insidious Bad Apples require extra tempering.

Slice insidious bad apples, preferably while angry. Try not to cut yourself in the process.

Place sliced insidious bad apples in a large (preferably white) bowl. Sprinkle with lemon juice if desired. If not desired, go start your own recipe. See if I care. You're banned from reading this recipe and don't let me catch you eating this pie. In a small bowl, mix together white sugar, 2 tablespoons flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Sprinkle mixture over apples. Toss until apples are evenly coated. Stir in shriveled evil raisins and walnuts if desired. If you downding the raisins, I'll ban you for that too. Spoon mixture into pastry shell. Not an artillery shell, you rightwing moron. I can't believe what a warmonger you are.

Bet you didn't notice that this is the second #3 step, did you wingnut? No wonder you can't understand why Obama won the Nobel prize for everything important, you can't even count to three. In a small bowl mix together 1/2 cup flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter or margarine until mixture is crummy -- Just like you! Sprinkle mixture over apple filling. Cover top loosely with aluminum foil to keep out the instructions from the leftwing lizard king. Jerk.

Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. I know you're a creationist by the way, because you are baking an apple pie and you think Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden for eating apples and you think by eating these apples it will get you back in the Garden of Eden but it won't you fool! Remove the tinfoil hat (I mean the one on the pie) and bake an additional 25 to 30 minutes, until top is golden brown. I know you don't much about the color brown because you don't associate with those kind of people but try to find a picture on the internet, OK?

Didn't I ban you already? Get out of my recipe. You're just a sock puppet trying to make me look bad. I know. You probably couldn't even find apples in the grocery story you're so stupid.

Cool on a wire rack. Note that a wire rack is not your torture device. How'd you get to be such an idiot anyway? Why don't you just vote for Obama like everyone should? You're a lousy American, by the way.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Flounce Captured

I just happened to be perusing my former favorite website, (LGF), when I came across these comments, which I (wisely) saved.

re: #228 hbwriter

Charles--rather than make the assumption that this is a "real" poll as opposed to phishy experiment or, more likely, planted by a DKos-style kid (a la the Denver vandalism a few weeks ago by a Dem operative at a Dem office), why not focus on a verifably pertinent issue like this? :"The military general credited with capturing Saddam Hussein and killing the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, says he has spoken with President Obama only once since taking command in Afghanistan."
Of course, if you don't like what's posted or not posted at LGF, you could also start your own blog -- then you could get all the credit!

But if you prefer to just whine at me, you could do that instead. But not for much longer.
Charles, respectfully, I asked an honest question about a relevant issue and was surprised to see such a churlish, sarcastic threat. Don't worry, I'll remove myself from the mix, thanks, I'll save you the keystroke. In parting though, I will say I've supported this site for years by recommending it to many other readers and, for the most part, have enjoyed the content *immensely* (esp. the music). I'm not looking to "start my own" blog and "get all the credit!" - I was merely posing an honest question about something that concerned me (and apparently, a few others here) - How can you be so sure it was a right wing fanatic who posted that Facebook poll. esp. given the motives/strategy of the far left? And in the shadow of that, the fact that there are some serious issues today (one that I pointed out) that could use some of your trenchant commentary. If that's "whining," well then I probably didn't belong here in the first place. Take care.


And the following comment:

Charles--ps--this is still the best site on the 'net--keep up the awesome work

But to no avail. When I refreshed the page, these comments were deleted and Charles the Small had posted a "Thank you for the compliment" or some such nonsense.

Don't worry hbwriter... the best posts are usually deleted and the best posters are frequently banned. Join the rest of us here, at Table 9, and at www.littlegreenfootballs2.com -- I wouldn't want to accidentally leave off the 2 and end up at a substandard blog. The blogmocracy has far more class than LGF does and should not be associated with it.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Tale of Two Molesters

I woke this morning to the news that Roman Polanski has been arrested for statutory rape, a charge he fled the US from over 30 years ago. I expect over the next few days that many will rise to his defense. I have even heard (several years ago) that the victim would like the matter dropped.

I wonder how many of these rose to the defense of Don Kimball, who was also convicted of the same crime with a girl who was also 13 years old. Don Kimball made no movies, won no oscars, and had few (if any) international friends. No one defended him.

Don Kimball was a Catholic priest. I am not defending him. I condemn him. As I condemn Roman Polanski. Roman Polanski's victim should be awarded the same amount (if not more, given his means) as Don Kimball's victim.

But that will not happen, nor will this comparison be made.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

It has become increasingly difficult to keep track of all of the positions I have promised to people. I may even have promised the same position to multiple people. Oh well, it's their fault for trusting me. I will now attempt, for the first time, to list the secretaries, minister, regulatory chiefs, ambassadors, and other official, high-paying positions I am doling out to my supporters.

If I missed someone, let me know and I will update the organizational chart. Include some info about why you are qualified for such a position. If you want a position, also let me know. Feel free to make up your own title. But hurry up or someone else will get it.

Also, someone should think of an appropriate position for charles the small.

President: MSMediacritic

It should be pointed out that I have virtual multiple personality disorder, or VMPD. Not the first president who is mentally ill (Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton just to name a few). I am, however, the first with an internet psychological disorder.

Vice President: Sauron

Sauron is one of MSMediacritic's "extra" personalities. He is also evil, which makes him qualified to be VP. Although he has considered assassinating MSMediacritic and taking the top job for himself, he realized that they would not work out well. Other traits of Sauron that qualify him for this position including sweating profusely on MSMediacritics keyboard and drooling on his mouse (hey, compare those qualifications to Joe Biden).


Secretary of State: Bebes_Boobs_Destroy

Although clearly intellectually unqualified for this position, Bebes has made it clear that she intends to wield the big stick of American diplomacy with vigor and zeal. Oddly, she seems to speak often of the big stick and what she intends to do with it. If I did not know better, I might conclude that she had things in mind other than diplomacy. Given our Secretary of Offense, I expect that she will have little to do other than arrange surrender terms, negotiate basing agreements, and deliver various threats.

Secretary of Offense: Howco

Who else? We are now at war with approximately 53 countries. They don't have a chance. I also think we are fighting the cylons, but I'm not sure if we won that yet or not. Howco went off to interrogate a group of #6's he had captured and hasn't been seen since.

Secretary of Defense: ???

Secretary of the Navy: Birkenstock Cowboy

Given his propensity to be underwater, some would say that this appointment is potentially disastrous for those of our ships that we want to keep floating. In his defense, Birkenstock Cowboy has promised that he will try not to sink any more ships than he must. Furthermore, he has stated that it is his intention to recruit various sea monsters to supplement the Navy. These sea monsters will be compensated solely with dolphin-free tuna, so expect to see him at the local Costco buying cans of tuna in bulk.

Secretary of the Treasury: ChiDude (I think)



Czar Czar Gabor: Gus

Clearly, Gus is not qualified for any position that requires him to manage the activities of any organization, with the possible exception of a small group of deformed rodents. However, since he donated heavily to my campaign fund and managed to launder money through several Swiss bank accounts, I have no choice but to give him something to do.

Gus's first job will be to extract confessions from the moles that infested my yard and ensure that they never come within five miles of the White House as a condition of their probation.

Czar of Vodka: TheOsprey

More could be said about his qualifications for this post, but we have not been able to find him since we gave him a palette full of product to test for quality control. He did call in on his cell phone once. After laughing uncontrollably for 90 seconds, he said something about having a glate trime wid all of da booze... then he drooled on his cell phone and it shorted out.

Czar of Humor: Ginn

Henceforth, all jokes, humorous anecdotes, riddles, and sitcom scripts must be approved by Ginn's office before any laughter can be issued. Unauthorized mirth is subject to severe penalties, up to and including watching "Ishtar" 30 times in a row. Ginn has announced that, as her first act, all knock-knock jokes will be banned with violators being forced to eat Tony's frozen pizza (uncooked) for three months. Furthermore, anyone telling blonde jokes will be subject to something really bad which she hasn't decided yet. If I were you, I wouldn't want to find out either. Form H-100 must be filled out for all jokes.

Regulatory Chiefs

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (a chain of convenience stores): Ghost of Sparta (formerly known as Paranoid Pyro)

After promising a 20% discount (minimum) for everyone who contributes to my re-election fund, it was obvious he was the right one for the job. And he asks that you refer to all donations as "contributions", rather than "bribes".

SEC: ??

FCC: Adam the Madman

Many have questioned this appointment, seeing as he is a raving lunatic and has been known to soil himself with a hideous grin on his face. It should be noted, however, that he has never stated that he is not qualified to perform these duties. Furthermore, if he just sits quietly in the corner that will probably be fine with everyone (except the janitors who have to clean up the place at night).


Narnia: Aloha Girl

A truly inspired selection. Please note that her residency is in "Iowa" while in the country. Seeing as she frequently talks to herself, it will not be difficult for her to talk to the animals, too.

Sun: ??

I know I gave out this position to someone who I thought should be "bright"