Saturday, October 10, 2009

Insidious Bad Apple Pie

Sliced Insidious Bad Apples, shriveled raisins and walnuts are sugared, dusted with cinnamon and nutmeg, and piled into a pastry shell. A bunch of crumbs are sprinkled over the top (because they usually are over the top). The whole pie is then loosely covered with a tinfoil hat to keep out microwave signals, and baked until golden and brown or until I ban and block you from this recipe.

1 (9 inch) pie shell
6 cups thinly sliced insidious bad apples
1 tablespoon lemon juice (optional) (pour any extra lemon juice on open wounds)
3/4 cup white sugar (no other ethnicities allowed)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup shriveled up evil raisins (optional)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts because they are nuts (optional)
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar (make sure it goes in the back of the bus)
3 tablespoons butter

Directions (if you can read):

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Insidious Bad Apples require extra tempering.

Slice insidious bad apples, preferably while angry. Try not to cut yourself in the process.

Place sliced insidious bad apples in a large (preferably white) bowl. Sprinkle with lemon juice if desired. If not desired, go start your own recipe. See if I care. You're banned from reading this recipe and don't let me catch you eating this pie. In a small bowl, mix together white sugar, 2 tablespoons flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Sprinkle mixture over apples. Toss until apples are evenly coated. Stir in shriveled evil raisins and walnuts if desired. If you downding the raisins, I'll ban you for that too. Spoon mixture into pastry shell. Not an artillery shell, you rightwing moron. I can't believe what a warmonger you are.

Bet you didn't notice that this is the second #3 step, did you wingnut? No wonder you can't understand why Obama won the Nobel prize for everything important, you can't even count to three. In a small bowl mix together 1/2 cup flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter or margarine until mixture is crummy -- Just like you! Sprinkle mixture over apple filling. Cover top loosely with aluminum foil to keep out the instructions from the leftwing lizard king. Jerk.

Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. I know you're a creationist by the way, because you are baking an apple pie and you think Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden for eating apples and you think by eating these apples it will get you back in the Garden of Eden but it won't you fool! Remove the tinfoil hat (I mean the one on the pie) and bake an additional 25 to 30 minutes, until top is golden brown. I know you don't much about the color brown because you don't associate with those kind of people but try to find a picture on the internet, OK?

Didn't I ban you already? Get out of my recipe. You're just a sock puppet trying to make me look bad. I know. You probably couldn't even find apples in the grocery story you're so stupid.

Cool on a wire rack. Note that a wire rack is not your torture device. How'd you get to be such an idiot anyway? Why don't you just vote for Obama like everyone should? You're a lousy American, by the way.

No comments:

Post a Comment